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Cautionary Tales For Children
Wonderful witty poems great for reading to your children. The stories and rhymes will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
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Research has shown how important YOU are to your children and how as a dad the things you do, and keep on doing, really count, whether you live with them, or you are a single dad and are only able see them once a month, once a week or more, what you do really matters. This site is dedicated to all dads but will be of special relevance to the single dad. Remember, you are half the reason your children exist and they need you whether you live with them or not. As their dad, you have what it takes to make their lives successful and fulfilling no matter how often you see them. This site is about all the positive things that we as parents have to offer our children.
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Christmas and the kids
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by Chris Barnardo
For almost every child Christmas Day seems to be the most important day of the year. Whipped up by expectation of presents, fuelled by the media frenzy and retail marketing necessity, children look forward to Christmas from just about any time after the summer holidays. It’s no wonder then that for single parents and especially single dads the thought of not having their Children with them on Christmas Day is very upsetting and the culmination of a very difficult few months or weeks of stressful negotiations about when they’re going to have their children over the festive season. So as a divorced or separated dad how do you manage to make Christmas fun again? Here are ten tips on how to have the best Christmases with your kids.
- Don’t make it all about the big day
Remember that the 25th of December is just one day; it’s just a date. Whether or not you’re seeing your children on Christmas Day this year, don’t focus completely on the day itself and make it stand for more than it should. Make this year your opportunity to spread the fun out over the whole holiday. Look back to when you were a kid; what are the things you remember about Christmas? The run up to the end of school term; the school play; sending cards to your school friends with the classroom post box; Christmas carols playing in the house; pretty lights in the high street; the shops all decked out with Christmas decorations; putting up the tree, and seeing presents under it, or the first snow fall... these things are all a big part of most people’s memories about Christmas, and at least as important as the day itself, and it is these things that you can be a big part of in your children’s eyes even if your children don’t live with you. Being an important part of your children’s Christmas is more than about spending Christmas day with them.
Share the day; if possible agree with your ex-partner to alternate Christmases
If that means not having your children for Christmas Day this year, accept that, but suggest now that you alternate, and therefore arrange now to have them next year.
Negotiate early
Focus on the goodwill element of Christmas, remember that your ex-partner will have family that they have to visit with the children, and during the school holidays they may have to arrange childcare, so be flexible and considerate when planning out the days that the children are going to spend with you.
Make a Christmas stocking with your kids with their initial on it
Kids like routine and even a special Christmas routine that comes around only once a year, is still something to rely on and cherish. Routines need a few times to become established, but you can make a great start by making something nice for your kids to keep from Christmas to Christmas, such as a Christmas stocking. Buy fleecy fabric with your kids (it can be cut without fraying) about a month before Christmas to make the stocking and their initial. Trim the top of the stocking with white fake fur, just like Santa’s boot top. Using either a glue gun or a sewing machine, make the stocking with your kids doing most of the making. Make it durable so that it will last. Let them take their Christmas stocking wherever they spend Christmas Eve so that over the years, the kids will look forward to getting out their stocking, and wherever they are a little bit of you will be with them.
Focus on what you know will make it a happy time for your children
Whether your children are with you or not, you want them to have a wonderful Christmas. Don’t make Christmas a difficult time where rows over access and bad feelings spoil it for them.
If the kids are with you this Christmas, spend time with them
It sounds obvious, but Christmas can become a holiday spent in the car going from one place to another, visiting various family members, and entertaining a stream of family and friends. Plan only one trip out, or invite close family round to yours and ask them to bring a meal course so that you don’t end up doing all the catering. Plan a walk to the park with your kids to get some fresh air, but whatever you do make certain that you spend the time being with and playing with your children.
Plan the Christmas meal
If your kids are coming to you for Christmas Day and you’ve never cooked a Christmas dinner before, the first time you have your kids for Christmas isn’t the best time to start. Your options are:
- • Practice with a few roast chicken dinners now. Don’t get the biggest turkey on the day and treat it like another roast dinner.
- Buy ready prepared roast potatoes, ready cut up frozen vegetables and a easy cook turkey joint (with cooking instructions). Get loads of the trimmings, like cranberry jelly, stuffing and bread sauce ready-made, so that all you have to do is microwave, open and serve.
- Remember crackers, party poppers and special napkins, the Christmas table dressing is as much part of the experience as eating the food.
- Arrange to go to your parents or your family and let them cook the meal offering to take a pudding or other dish to help.
Go easy on the alcohol it could make you maudlin or grumpy
You should never drink too much alcohol you’re in charge of your children, it’s dangerous. At Christmas alcohol can flow freely, but watch what you drink, alcohol is a depressant and can make you feel sad, making it hard for you to look after your children and spoiling the day for them.
Don’t overcompensate with big presents
Don’t compete with your ex-partner to buy the biggest present. If possible talk to your ex-partner to find out what they are getting for your children and tell them what you plan to get, so that you don’t double up. Get things that you know you children will like and value. Quirky, creative gifts that are picked because you know they really suit their character are much better than expensive presents that are bought just because they cost a lot.
Be generous with your ex-partner, send a Christmas card
It is the season of goodwill, Christmas is a good excuse to build bridges that will make future negotiations easier. Don’t carry resentment; it only hurts you in the long run. Send your ex-partner a simple Christmas card. Make sure that your children have presents to give their mother, it might be tough taking them shopping for presents for your ex-partner, but remember that they love their mother and need to be able to give something at Christmas and they won’t be able to buy things without your help. |
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MicroBlog Archive
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WEEK 13, 2009
How to stop arguing: Part 2
How do you stop an argument if you are already in one, here are our top ten tried and tested ways of halting an argument in its tracks
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WEEK 12, 2009
How to stop arguing: Part 1
Ten reasons actually why people argue (and that's not including what they argue over) to help you avoid the argument traps and habits
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WEEK 11, 2009
Getting ready for a new arrival
When you become a dad for the first time your life changes dramatically,so here are ten top tips on how you can prepare practically for the new arrival
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WEEK 10, 2009
Don't say goodbye...
Ten top tips for dealing with all the goodbyes a single dad has to say and keep on saying.
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WEEK 9, 2009
Can I do that again?
Think twice before you dismiss your kid's quirkiest comments, because children approach life with such an open mind, that there is often a great deal of sense in even the strangest things they say.
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WEEK 8, 2009
Food of the gods
Chocolate isn't all bad, in fact it's mostly good, see our top ten reasons why chocolate is good for you
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WEEK 7, 2009
The last thing I remembered was...
Everyone has their own way of recognising the importance of the moment, but here are my top ten tips, conveniently sorted in to Mind, Body and Soul.
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WEEK 6, 2009
Caring for a sick child
Caring for a sick child is never easy, but if you are divorced or separated then you might find these top ten tips helpful
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WEEK 4, 2009
Another Place at Breakfast
Introducing a new partner to your kids in the right way can make things so much easier for everyone, read our top ten tips for getting it right
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WEEK 3, 2009
What's better than a New Year?
We can learn some good lessons from the traditional values upheld at Chinese New Year, we pick 10 customs that would be worth following.
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WEEK 51, 2008
Christmas without your kids
Every parent's nightmare and many single dads' reality, is a Christmas Day without your kids. Here are ten top tips on how to have a great Christmas even if you aren't able to see your kids on the day itself.
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WEEK 49, 2008
Finding dad a date
Finding a date is never easy, but it is doubly hard when you’re a single parent. Read the first part of James's story here
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WEEK 48, 2008
Christmas and the kids
10 top tips on how to make the most of the Christmas season with your kids when they don't live with you.
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WEEK 46, 2008
Tackling a teenager
10 top tips on how to maintain a sense of fairness and discipline and yet still managing to remain friends with your teenager through those difficult teenage moments
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WEEK 45, 2008
Reliable routines
When parents split up their children’s routines are the first casualty. New routines need to be set up quickly; we've ten top ideas here
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WEEK 44, 2008
Rules for Rules
With the right kind of rules kids feel confident, here's our ten top tips for getting getting the rules right in your home
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WEEK 43, 2008
Smack or snack
Post separation discipline can turn out to be a problem, so here are our ten top tips for basics of discipline and how to get things working smoothly in your home
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WEEK 41, 2008
Ten great first dates
Where you choose to go on your first date says a lot about you as a person and how you think, so make the most of it with these top ten tips for a great first date venue
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WEEK 39, 2008
How to encourage your kids to read more
So, everyone knows how good reading is for their children, but how do you encourage them to read, or read more. Here are ten top tips to get you started and get your children reading books.
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WEEK 37, 2008
Ten ways to be positive
Ten practical ways to be positive when it's tough, from the queen of positive thinking, Dawn Stannard
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WEEK 36, 2008
10 ways to grow your kids' creativity
Developing your children's creativity is your job and a very important part of their upbringing, here are ten ways you can help them develop their creativity
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WEEK 35, 2008
Relativity: When dark days feel like months
When you are experiencing the trauma of a serious relationship break up, ironically Time seems to slow down, dragging out the pain and making things much worse.
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WEEK 34, 2008
Feeding the machine
It's Randomised Variable Interval Reinforcement that makes gamblers gamble and traps normal people in destructive manipulative relationships where they feel unlovable
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WEEK 32, 2008
Burning Building
Internet dating is like being in a burning building looking for someone to help get you out, but the only people who can help you are trapped in the same building with you
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WEEK 31, 2008
How far have we come?
Humans have been evolving for 1 million years and it's been 10,000 years since Cro-Magnon man developed the family unit, how far have we really come?
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WEEK 30, 2008
Who put that cup there?!
What is it that is so seductive about blame? No one is immune to its satisfying qualities and its effects ripple through society at every level. Our kids are an easy target...
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WEEK 29, 2008
Winners and Losers?
A thoroughly modern school sports day, that's more about taking part than about making one winner and loads of losers out of us
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WEEK 28, 2008
Living apart together
Society is changing, and more and more people have two places they call home, so why is Shared Residence still such an issue?
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WEEK 26, 2008
Mummy says we need a haircut
Do you feel like you're being told what to do by your ex-partner? We explain a little of what's going on and how you can deal with it.
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WEEK 25, 2008
Alchemist's Dream
Single parents achieve the alchemist's dream of putting separated things together to turn lead into gold for their kids
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WEEK 24, 2008
Happy 100th Birthday, Father's Day
100 years after the first Father’s Day, is this day just another “Hallmark Holiday” or a special time we can use to say what we really mean.
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