You have Javascript disabled and this means that the dadcando website cannot function correctly.

If you want to see dadcando's exciting website full of crafts and making things with and for children then you will have to enable Javascript on your browser.

This content requires the Adobe Flash Player and a browser with JavaScript enabled. Get Flash
dadcando - click to return to homepage
Username
Password
Remember?
JOIN HERE   WHY SHOULD I?
Over 200 top tips and words of advice, to help you really get the most from the time you spend with your kids
Divider
Kids growing up /default_ARCHIVE.asp
Coping with change /default_ARCHIVE.asp
Making a new home /default_ARCHIVE.asp
Being involved with your kids /default_ARCHIVE.asp
Be inspired, be inspiring /default_ARCHIVE.asp
Starting again /default_ARCHIVE.asp
Divider
Top Ten Tips Articles Top Ten Tips Articles Top Ten Tips Articles Top Ten Tips Articles Top Ten Tips Articles Top Ten Tips Articles Top Ten Tips Articles Top Ten Tips Articles
dadcando
dadcando
Searched for: 12/17/2017 - Found: 7/30/2008 to 8/5/2008
Cautionary Tales For Children
Wonderful witty poems great for reading to your children. The stories and rhymes will stay with them for the rest of their lives.


Research has shown how important YOU are to your children and how as a dad the things you do, and keep on doing, really count, whether you live with them, or you are a single dad and are only able see them once a month, once a week or more, what you do really matters. This site is dedicated to all dads but will be of special relevance to the single dad. Remember, you are half the reason your children exist and they need you whether you live with them or not. As their dad, you have what it takes to make their lives successful and fulfilling no matter how often you see them. This site is about all the positive things that we as parents have to offer our children.
Microblog Microblog

Feeding the machine

Microblog
By Chris Barnardo

When I was a kid, summer or winter, no holiday by the seaside would have been complete without a trip to the seafront amusement arcade. Spin forward 30 years and I’m sure you’d forgive me for thinking that for my children, reared in the shadow of the Playstation, such an outing would have no appeal, but that is not the case. I only have to mention that the nearby arcade has 2p pushers, and I get a chorus of voices begging me to take them there.
. . . We arrive, it all looks very familiar. This might be the same place I visited as a kid. In fact looking at the machines, these might even be the same ones that I actually played on in the 70’s. All at once I'm like a child again, worming my way through the other punters, deep into the heart of the arcade, to find a machine I like the look of. I peer through the slanting shiny glass top. The machine’s bar is mesmerising as it relentlessly pushes back and forth, mocking me as it repeatedly kisses the edge of the crazily stacked wedge of coins. The two pences balance precariously over that magical ledge, hanging impossibly far out over the payout trough, just waiting for my very first coin to push them over their tipping point and into that deeply satisfying winning cascade. With my bag of 50 two pence pieces weighing down my pocket, I feel as rich as a high roller taking on Las Vegas. However, reality kicks in pretty sharply when my first ten coins make hardly an impression on the mass of tuppences, which despite my skillful efforts, still tantalisingly only promise a big win.
. . . I stop for a second to reconsider my strategies. Is it best to drop the coin into the slot as the bar approaches, or just as it recedes? What will happen if I put more than one coin in at once, or maybe I should blast them in, in quick succession? Is there any way of surreptitiously jogging the machine to dislodge the coins without setting off an alarm or arousing the suspicions of the security staff? The coins appear so unstable that they look as though I could make them tumble just by thinking hard enough about them overbalancing. I employ a range of tactics (including positive thought). Occasionally I win, mostly I lose, whichever way it goes I play until I have run out of money. It’s great fun but it reminds me of something else that isn’t.
. . . In the 1930s, an American psychologist called Burrhus Skinner conducted pioneering research to explain how animal behaviour is shaped by reward. In a series of now classic experiments, he placed hungry pigeons in a box (later called a Skinner Box) and rewarded specific behaviours with seeds. The experiments are elegant in their simplicity but have clear and obvious lessons for all of us.
. . . To see what I mean, first imagine yourself as a pigeon. You are hungry and you find yourself placed in a box. It’s not uncomfortable and you look around to see if there is any food nearby. To start with there is none, but as you look round to the left, a seed drops out of a hole in the wall and you gratefully peck it up. You look round some more, wondering if it was anything you did that made the seed come out of the hole. You try doing all the things you did just before the seed appeared, and after trying for at least a minute, another seed appears. Gratefully you peck it up. You’re still hungry and now quite keen to work out how you could get more seeds. Again you try all the things that you were doing just before the seed appeared. You remember that you turned your head to the left twice just before the seed appeared both times. To try and make more seeds appear you turn your head to the left two times, then four times and then eight times, at last a seed appears again. Gratefully you peck it up, certain now that the head-turning-left action is the thing that brings you the seeds.
. . . Meanwhile, outside the box in the human world, the experimenter randomly drops another seed through the hole. The fact is that the experimenter has been randomly dropping seeds through the hole since the beginning of the experiment, without any regard to what you (that’s the pigeon) has or hasn’t been doing.
. . . This type of behaviour reward scenario is called Randomised Variable Interval Reinforcement (to give it its technical name) and it is a very common, extremely powerful and highly addictive reward system that not only keeps gamblers coming back, but is the self same mechanism that locks people into to manipulative and damaging relationships, where the rewards of love and affection are thin on the ground, doled out only sporadically or just empty promises. Like a pigeon trapped in a Skinner Box, the subject of manipulation in a manipulative relationship doesn’t understand that whatever they do and however well they do it, they will never work out the golden rules that lead to their rewards. Sadly, in a manipulative relationship the reinforcement might not even be a reward at all; the manipulator might just as easily use negative reinforcement. In this type of damaging relationship, one party always feels as if they are holding their breath, waiting on tenterhooks for their partner’s next big outburst, cutting comment or hurtful putdown. Whether trying to avoid the bad times or doing everything right to try and make the good times come back, just like a gambler, the “underdog” in these types of relationships can never win in the long run. Eventually after years of trying, it is likely that they will feel not only very lonely and unloved but because of their apparent inability to do what is required, actually unworthy of being loved.
. . . The good news is that life is not a laboratory experiment, and for everyone there is a way out of the box. Unlike the hapless pigeon, it is possible for us to learn how to see manipulative relationships for what they are, and in doing so take the first steps towards breaking free from their destructive cycles. There are countless, excellent self-help books on the subject, and with the help of these, friends and or professionals, it is possible for anyone to build up their self-esteem to the point where they can start to get some control back into their life.
. . . Personally, I make it my policy never to get trapped in a manipulative relationship with an amusement arcade; we only brought ten pounds worth of two pence pieces with us, and now we’ve used them all up, it’s time to go. The sunshine dazzles us as we tumble laughing out on to the street after spending a glorious hour on what have become “the famous 2p Pusher machines”. It’s amazing how much fun you can have with a few pounds worth of loose change.

If you feel that you are in a manipulative relationship at home or at work, you might like to read “Who's Pulling Your Strings?” by Harriet B. Braiker, and start to see how you can get some control back into your life and begin to feel lovable and loved once again.
dadcando

MicroBlog Archive
MyPageMenu
WEEK 14, 2009
Dad… can we make something?
Making something with the kids for homework can turn into a memorable and heroic enterprise.
WEEK 13, 2009
How to stop arguing: Part 2
How do you stop an argument if you are already in one, here are our top ten tried and tested ways of halting an argument in its tracks
WEEK 12, 2009
How to stop arguing: Part 1
Ten reasons actually why people argue (and that's not including what they argue over) to help you avoid the argument traps and habits
WEEK 11, 2009
Getting ready for a new arrival
When you become a dad for the first time your life changes dramatically,so here are ten top tips on how you can prepare practically for the new arrival
WEEK 10, 2009
Don't say goodbye...
Ten top tips for dealing with all the goodbyes a single dad has to say and keep on saying.
WEEK 9, 2009
Can I do that again?
Think twice before you dismiss your kid's quirkiest comments, because children approach life with such an open mind, that there is often a great deal of sense in even the strangest things they say.
WEEK 8, 2009
Food of the gods
Chocolate isn't all bad, in fact it's mostly good, see our top ten reasons why chocolate is good for you
WEEK 7, 2009
The last thing I remembered was...
Everyone has their own way of recognising the importance of the moment, but here are my top ten tips, conveniently sorted in to Mind, Body and Soul.
WEEK 6, 2009
Caring for a sick child
Caring for a sick child is never easy, but if you are divorced or separated then you might find these top ten tips helpful
WEEK 5, 2009
On Passion, Love and Happy Endings
My top ten couples through history and how they measure up on Passion, Love and Happy Endings
WEEK 4, 2009
Another Place at Breakfast
Introducing a new partner to your kids in the right way can make things so much easier for everyone, read our top ten tips for getting it right
WEEK 3, 2009
What's better than a New Year?
We can learn some good lessons from the traditional values upheld at Chinese New Year, we pick 10 customs that would be worth following.
WEEK 2, 2009
Who needs New Year's Resolutions?
Ten of the best New Year's resolutions designed to help you make 2009 your year.
WEEK 52, 2008
Christmas is here
Christmas is here!
WEEK 51, 2008
Christmas without your kids
Every parent's nightmare and many single dads' reality, is a Christmas Day without your kids. Here are ten top tips on how to have a great Christmas even if you aren't able to see your kids on the day itself.
WEEK 50, 2008
Finding dad a date: Part 2, The Dates
Read the second installment of James's search for a new partner with the help of the Absolute Radio Breakfast Show team
WEEK 49, 2008
Finding dad a date
Finding a date is never easy, but it is doubly hard when you’re a single parent. Read the first part of James's story here
WEEK 48, 2008
Christmas and the kids
10 top tips on how to make the most of the Christmas season with your kids when they don't live with you.
WEEK 47, 2008
What do you do about holidays?
10 practical top tips about how plan and negotiate your access over the holidays.
WEEK 46, 2008
Tackling a teenager
10 top tips on how to maintain a sense of fairness and discipline and yet still managing to remain friends with your teenager through those difficult teenage moments
WEEK 45, 2008
Reliable routines
When parents split up their children’s routines are the first casualty. New routines need to be set up quickly; we've ten top ideas here
WEEK 44, 2008
Rules for Rules
With the right kind of rules kids feel confident, here's our ten top tips for getting getting the rules right in your home
WEEK 43, 2008
Smack or snack
Post separation discipline can turn out to be a problem, so here are our ten top tips for basics of discipline and how to get things working smoothly in your home
WEEK 42, 2008
Getting it right on your first date
Ten tips on how to make sure that a first date turns into a second date
WEEK 41, 2008
Ten great first dates
Where you choose to go on your first date says a lot about you as a person and how you think, so make the most of it with these top ten tips for a great first date venue
WEEK 40, 2008
Getting started with internet dating
Internet dating is a good way to meet new people, so here are some top tips to help you get the most out of online dating
WEEK 39, 2008
How to encourage your kids to read more
So, everyone knows how good reading is for their children, but how do you encourage them to read, or read more. Here are ten top tips to get you started and get your children reading books.
WEEK 38, 2008
The best ten British TV comedy series shows ever
The beneficial effects of laughter 10 of the funniest British TV comedy shows to help start you laughing your way to health
WEEK 37, 2008
Ten ways to be positive
Ten practical ways to be positive when it's tough, from the queen of positive thinking, Dawn Stannard
WEEK 36, 2008
10 ways to grow your kids' creativity
Developing your children's creativity is your job and a very important part of their upbringing, here are ten ways you can help them develop their creativity
WEEK 35, 2008
Relativity: When dark days feel like months
When you are experiencing the trauma of a serious relationship break up, ironically Time seems to slow down, dragging out the pain and making things much worse.
WEEK 34, 2008
Feeding the machine
It's Randomised Variable Interval Reinforcement that makes gamblers gamble and traps normal people in destructive manipulative relationships where they feel unlovable
WEEK 33, 2008
Avoiding pain: Why we stay where it hurts
How can the avoidance of pain be the main human drive when we tolerate so much discomfort in our relationships and our day to day lives?
WEEK 32, 2008
Burning Building
Internet dating is like being in a burning building looking for someone to help get you out, but the only people who can help you are trapped in the same building with you
WEEK 31, 2008
How far have we come?
Humans have been evolving for 1 million years and it's been 10,000 years since Cro-Magnon man developed the family unit, how far have we really come?
WEEK 30, 2008
Who put that cup there?!
What is it that is so seductive about blame? No one is immune to its satisfying qualities and its effects ripple through society at every level. Our kids are an easy target...
WEEK 29, 2008
Winners and Losers?
A thoroughly modern school sports day, that's more about taking part than about making one winner and loads of losers out of us
WEEK 28, 2008
Living apart together
Society is changing, and more and more people have two places they call home, so why is Shared Residence still such an issue?
WEEK 27, 2008
The Children Act, 20 years on, so what's going wrong?
A TV documentary asks what exactly is going wrong with the Children Act, 20 years after becoming law. You can take part and have your say.
WEEK 26, 2008
Mummy says we need a haircut
Do you feel like you're being told what to do by your ex-partner? We explain a little of what's going on and how you can deal with it.
WEEK 25, 2008
Alchemist's Dream
Single parents achieve the alchemist's dream of putting separated things together to turn lead into gold for their kids
WEEK 24, 2008
Happy 100th Birthday, Father's Day
100 years after the first Father’s Day, is this day just another “Hallmark Holiday” or a special time we can use to say what we really mean.
Register with dadcando

Register with dadcando





Advertise on dadcando   |   Site Ethos   |   Privacy Policy   |   Terms and Conditions of use   |   Contact  |   HELP!  |   Follow Chris on twitter  |
Shim© C.Barnardo 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 dadcando ® is a registered trademark.   Content and Design - Chris Barnardo    Technical Development - Darren Tillett

  • http://www.dadcando.com/cl/cl-cheap.asp
  • Authentic 2015 bags belt outlet shop prada 2015 bags belt louis vuitton outlet store 2015 celine outlet replica handbags phantom Celine bag high imitation outlet sale 2015 canada goose expedition parka the best price Authentic 2015 celine replica store handbags wallet Fake cheap celine handbags wallet online official Celine women clutch boston sale online official 2015 canada goose men cheap kensington parka 2015 bags men chloe replica sale 2015 mulberry uk totes bags replica online 2015 celine handbags sunglasses outlet store 2015 boots heels replica store christian louboutin 2015 men outlet canada goose parkas vests Best authentic handbags trapeze replica sale celine