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Cautionary Tales For Children
Wonderful witty poems great for reading to your children. The stories and rhymes will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
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Research has shown how important YOU are to your children and how as a dad the things you do, and keep on doing, really count, whether you live with them, or you are a single dad and are only able see them once a month, once a week or more, what you do really matters. This site is dedicated to all dads but will be of special relevance to the single dad. Remember, you are half the reason your children exist and they need you whether you live with them or not. As their dad, you have what it takes to make their lives successful and fulfilling no matter how often you see them. This site is about all the positive things that we as parents have to offer our children.
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Who put that cup there?!
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By Chris Barnardo
It’s half past eight in the morning. The laissez faire attitude I have been trying to exude since waking up, in my effort to make a happy, carefree home, is rapidly giving way to a less controlled version of mild panic. No one is ready for school and the clock appears to be accelerating towards that frantic moment, after which only a time machine will be able to get us there before Registration. Socks are being pulled on, teeth are being cleaned and ties are being tied, but it seems in the most casually haphazard manner designed to wring the last ounce of exasperation out of me and the situation. I am building a fair head of steam as I leap the stairs two at a time and prepare to shout what I know is shaping up to be perhaps the longest and loudest “come-on-you-children-you-are-making-us-late!” in the history of parenthood, when I am pulled up short by the sudden doubt as to exactly whose fault our tardiness actually is. I know I want to blame someone, but who?
* * *
What is it that is so seductive about blame? No one is immune to its satisfying qualities and its effects ripple through society at every level. Children blame the dog for eating their homework, parents blame their children for making them late, partners blame each other for their lack of understanding, politicians blame their predecessors for the poor economy, and even God blames Man for bringing original sin into the world.
. . .
For mere mortals, blame is a convenient way of categorising, containing and explaining our inadequacies, our losses and the failure of things beyond our control. In some case it even gives the impression of providing structure where otherwise there might be ambiguity in the lack of causality.
. . .
In simple psychological speak, regardless of age, our personality (or ego) is composed of three parts, Adult, Child and Parent, where Adult is our reason, Child is our expression and Parent is our control. These fundamental parts of our personality develop from birth and are moulded by our childhood, being pretty much formed by the time we are about seven years old. Parent and Child each further break down into two parts. The Parent into the Critical Parent and the Nurturing Parent (whose roles are self evident by their titles) and the Child, into the Adaptive Child and the Natural Child, where the Adaptive Child is naughty or submissive and the Natural Child is carefree and creative.
. . .
In day to day life, when we feel under scrutiny from someone else, and think we might have done something wrong, we use blame to shirk responsibility for our actions, hopefully avoiding any punishment. As such blame is the Adaptive (naughty) Child part of our personality running away from the potential accusation of the Critical Parent part of another person’s personality.
. . .
Thus blame is the first line of defence of our Adaptive Child against potential criticism, and it is something we quickly learned at the hands of our parents, whether our parents blamed us or not.
. . .
A father knocks over a beaker of water.
. . .
“Who put that cup there?” he shouts in frustration at his kids, as his papers get wet.
. . .
“You did, dear,” says his partner.
. . .
“What a ridiculous design for a cup! Look at it, it’s so unsteady,” he replies, still unable to accept that the entire episode from start to finish was in fact his fault.
. . .
It is an easy trick for kids to copy and make their own.
* * *
So where does that leave me in mid blamestorm at the top of the stairs? Exactly whose fault is it that things didn’t exactly go to plan this morning? Well the first question I have to ask myself is: Who is in charge here? It’s a rhetorical question and I resolve to get up a little earlier next time and keep things running a little better to time in future. I tell the kids that I should have got them going earlier. What really was the problem? If we’re late today, I’ll only have to tell the teachers it was my fault, and there’s certainly no point ruining the week over it. Within a minute we are in the car and glancing at the dashboard it suddenly dawns on me - I keep the clocks in the house all 10 minutes fast – phew! We’re going to get to school in plenty of time.
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MicroBlog Archive
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WEEK 13, 2009
How to stop arguing: Part 2
How do you stop an argument if you are already in one, here are our top ten tried and tested ways of halting an argument in its tracks
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WEEK 12, 2009
How to stop arguing: Part 1
Ten reasons actually why people argue (and that's not including what they argue over) to help you avoid the argument traps and habits
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WEEK 11, 2009
Getting ready for a new arrival
When you become a dad for the first time your life changes dramatically,so here are ten top tips on how you can prepare practically for the new arrival
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WEEK 10, 2009
Don't say goodbye...
Ten top tips for dealing with all the goodbyes a single dad has to say and keep on saying.
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WEEK 9, 2009
Can I do that again?
Think twice before you dismiss your kid's quirkiest comments, because children approach life with such an open mind, that there is often a great deal of sense in even the strangest things they say.
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WEEK 8, 2009
Food of the gods
Chocolate isn't all bad, in fact it's mostly good, see our top ten reasons why chocolate is good for you
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WEEK 7, 2009
The last thing I remembered was...
Everyone has their own way of recognising the importance of the moment, but here are my top ten tips, conveniently sorted in to Mind, Body and Soul.
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WEEK 6, 2009
Caring for a sick child
Caring for a sick child is never easy, but if you are divorced or separated then you might find these top ten tips helpful
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WEEK 4, 2009
Another Place at Breakfast
Introducing a new partner to your kids in the right way can make things so much easier for everyone, read our top ten tips for getting it right
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WEEK 3, 2009
What's better than a New Year?
We can learn some good lessons from the traditional values upheld at Chinese New Year, we pick 10 customs that would be worth following.
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WEEK 51, 2008
Christmas without your kids
Every parent's nightmare and many single dads' reality, is a Christmas Day without your kids. Here are ten top tips on how to have a great Christmas even if you aren't able to see your kids on the day itself.
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WEEK 49, 2008
Finding dad a date
Finding a date is never easy, but it is doubly hard when you’re a single parent. Read the first part of James's story here
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WEEK 48, 2008
Christmas and the kids
10 top tips on how to make the most of the Christmas season with your kids when they don't live with you.
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WEEK 46, 2008
Tackling a teenager
10 top tips on how to maintain a sense of fairness and discipline and yet still managing to remain friends with your teenager through those difficult teenage moments
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WEEK 45, 2008
Reliable routines
When parents split up their children’s routines are the first casualty. New routines need to be set up quickly; we've ten top ideas here
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WEEK 44, 2008
Rules for Rules
With the right kind of rules kids feel confident, here's our ten top tips for getting getting the rules right in your home
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WEEK 43, 2008
Smack or snack
Post separation discipline can turn out to be a problem, so here are our ten top tips for basics of discipline and how to get things working smoothly in your home
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WEEK 41, 2008
Ten great first dates
Where you choose to go on your first date says a lot about you as a person and how you think, so make the most of it with these top ten tips for a great first date venue
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WEEK 39, 2008
How to encourage your kids to read more
So, everyone knows how good reading is for their children, but how do you encourage them to read, or read more. Here are ten top tips to get you started and get your children reading books.
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WEEK 37, 2008
Ten ways to be positive
Ten practical ways to be positive when it's tough, from the queen of positive thinking, Dawn Stannard
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WEEK 36, 2008
10 ways to grow your kids' creativity
Developing your children's creativity is your job and a very important part of their upbringing, here are ten ways you can help them develop their creativity
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WEEK 35, 2008
Relativity: When dark days feel like months
When you are experiencing the trauma of a serious relationship break up, ironically Time seems to slow down, dragging out the pain and making things much worse.
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WEEK 34, 2008
Feeding the machine
It's Randomised Variable Interval Reinforcement that makes gamblers gamble and traps normal people in destructive manipulative relationships where they feel unlovable
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WEEK 32, 2008
Burning Building
Internet dating is like being in a burning building looking for someone to help get you out, but the only people who can help you are trapped in the same building with you
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WEEK 31, 2008
How far have we come?
Humans have been evolving for 1 million years and it's been 10,000 years since Cro-Magnon man developed the family unit, how far have we really come?
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WEEK 30, 2008
Who put that cup there?!
What is it that is so seductive about blame? No one is immune to its satisfying qualities and its effects ripple through society at every level. Our kids are an easy target...
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WEEK 29, 2008
Winners and Losers?
A thoroughly modern school sports day, that's more about taking part than about making one winner and loads of losers out of us
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WEEK 28, 2008
Living apart together
Society is changing, and more and more people have two places they call home, so why is Shared Residence still such an issue?
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WEEK 26, 2008
Mummy says we need a haircut
Do you feel like you're being told what to do by your ex-partner? We explain a little of what's going on and how you can deal with it.
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WEEK 25, 2008
Alchemist's Dream
Single parents achieve the alchemist's dream of putting separated things together to turn lead into gold for their kids
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WEEK 24, 2008
Happy 100th Birthday, Father's Day
100 years after the first Father’s Day, is this day just another “Hallmark Holiday” or a special time we can use to say what we really mean.
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