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Over 200 top tips and words of advice, to help you really get the most from the time you spend with your kids
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Searched for: 10/17/2021 - Found: 7/30/2008 to 8/5/2008
Cautionary Tales For Children
Wonderful witty poems great for reading to your children. The stories and rhymes will stay with them for the rest of their lives.


Research has shown how important YOU are to your children and how as a dad the things you do, and keep on doing, really count, whether you live with them, or you are a single dad and are only able see them once a month, once a week or more, what you do really matters. This site is dedicated to all dads but will be of special relevance to the single dad. Remember, you are half the reason your children exist and they need you whether you live with them or not. As their dad, you have what it takes to make their lives successful and fulfilling no matter how often you see them. This site is about all the positive things that we as parents have to offer our children.
Microblog Microblog

Who put that cup there?!

Microblog
By Chris Barnardo

It’s half past eight in the morning. The laissez faire attitude I have been trying to exude since waking up, in my effort to make a happy, carefree home, is rapidly giving way to a less controlled version of mild panic. No one is ready for school and the clock appears to be accelerating towards that frantic moment, after which only a time machine will be able to get us there before Registration. Socks are being pulled on, teeth are being cleaned and ties are being tied, but it seems in the most casually haphazard manner designed to wring the last ounce of exasperation out of me and the situation. I am building a fair head of steam as I leap the stairs two at a time and prepare to shout what I know is shaping up to be perhaps the longest and loudest “come-on-you-children-you-are-making-us-late!” in the history of parenthood, when I am pulled up short by the sudden doubt as to exactly whose fault our tardiness actually is. I know I want to blame someone, but who?

* * *

What is it that is so seductive about blame? No one is immune to its satisfying qualities and its effects ripple through society at every level. Children blame the dog for eating their homework, parents blame their children for making them late, partners blame each other for their lack of understanding, politicians blame their predecessors for the poor economy, and even God blames Man for bringing original sin into the world.
. . . For mere mortals, blame is a convenient way of categorising, containing and explaining our inadequacies, our losses and the failure of things beyond our control. In some case it even gives the impression of providing structure where otherwise there might be ambiguity in the lack of causality.
. . . In simple psychological speak, regardless of age, our personality (or ego) is composed of three parts, Adult, Child and Parent, where Adult is our reason, Child is our expression and Parent is our control. These fundamental parts of our personality develop from birth and are moulded by our childhood, being pretty much formed by the time we are about seven years old. Parent and Child each further break down into two parts. The Parent into the Critical Parent and the Nurturing Parent (whose roles are self evident by their titles) and the Child, into the Adaptive Child and the Natural Child, where the Adaptive Child is naughty or submissive and the Natural Child is carefree and creative.
. . . In day to day life, when we feel under scrutiny from someone else, and think we might have done something wrong, we use blame to shirk responsibility for our actions, hopefully avoiding any punishment. As such blame is the Adaptive (naughty) Child part of our personality running away from the potential accusation of the Critical Parent part of another person’s personality.
. . . Thus blame is the first line of defence of our Adaptive Child against potential criticism, and it is something we quickly learned at the hands of our parents, whether our parents blamed us or not.
. . . A father knocks over a beaker of water.
. . . “Who put that cup there?” he shouts in frustration at his kids, as his papers get wet.
. . . “You did, dear,” says his partner.
. . . “What a ridiculous design for a cup! Look at it, it’s so unsteady,” he replies, still unable to accept that the entire episode from start to finish was in fact his fault.
. . . It is an easy trick for kids to copy and make their own.

* * *

So where does that leave me in mid blamestorm at the top of the stairs? Exactly whose fault is it that things didn’t exactly go to plan this morning? Well the first question I have to ask myself is: Who is in charge here? It’s a rhetorical question and I resolve to get up a little earlier next time and keep things running a little better to time in future. I tell the kids that I should have got them going earlier. What really was the problem? If we’re late today, I’ll only have to tell the teachers it was my fault, and there’s certainly no point ruining the week over it. Within a minute we are in the car and glancing at the dashboard it suddenly dawns on me - I keep the clocks in the house all 10 minutes fast – phew! We’re going to get to school in plenty of time.
dadcando

MicroBlog Archive
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WEEK 39, 2008
How to encourage your kids to read more
So, everyone knows how good reading is for their children, but how do you encourage them to read, or read more. Here are ten top tips to get you started and get your children reading books.
WEEK 38, 2008
The best ten British TV comedy series shows ever
The beneficial effects of laughter 10 of the funniest British TV comedy shows to help start you laughing your way to health
WEEK 37, 2008
Ten ways to be positive
Ten practical ways to be positive when it's tough, from the queen of positive thinking, Dawn Stannard
WEEK 36, 2008
10 ways to grow your kids' creativity
Developing your children's creativity is your job and a very important part of their upbringing, here are ten ways you can help them develop their creativity
WEEK 35, 2008
Relativity: When dark days feel like months
When you are experiencing the trauma of a serious relationship break up, ironically Time seems to slow down, dragging out the pain and making things much worse.
WEEK 34, 2008
Feeding the machine
It's Randomised Variable Interval Reinforcement that makes gamblers gamble and traps normal people in destructive manipulative relationships where they feel unlovable
WEEK 33, 2008
Avoiding pain: Why we stay where it hurts
How can the avoidance of pain be the main human drive when we tolerate so much discomfort in our relationships and our day to day lives?
WEEK 32, 2008
Burning Building
Internet dating is like being in a burning building looking for someone to help get you out, but the only people who can help you are trapped in the same building with you
WEEK 31, 2008
How far have we come?
Humans have been evolving for 1 million years and it's been 10,000 years since Cro-Magnon man developed the family unit, how far have we really come?
WEEK 30, 2008
Who put that cup there?!
What is it that is so seductive about blame? No one is immune to its satisfying qualities and its effects ripple through society at every level. Our kids are an easy target...
WEEK 29, 2008
Winners and Losers?
A thoroughly modern school sports day, that's more about taking part than about making one winner and loads of losers out of us
WEEK 28, 2008
Living apart together
Society is changing, and more and more people have two places they call home, so why is Shared Residence still such an issue?
WEEK 27, 2008
The Children Act, 20 years on, so what's going wrong?
A TV documentary asks what exactly is going wrong with the Children Act, 20 years after becoming law. You can take part and have your say.
WEEK 26, 2008
Mummy says we need a haircut
Do you feel like you're being told what to do by your ex-partner? We explain a little of what's going on and how you can deal with it.
WEEK 25, 2008
Alchemist's Dream
Single parents achieve the alchemist's dream of putting separated things together to turn lead into gold for their kids
WEEK 24, 2008
Happy 100th Birthday, Father's Day
100 years after the first Father’s Day, is this day just another “Hallmark Holiday” or a special time we can use to say what we really mean.
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